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My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
-Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-Milton Berle

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-George Burns

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." I asked her, "Where's the car?" She replied, "In the lake."
-Henny Youngman

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
-Phyllis Diller

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
-Henny Youngman

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool then married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let in keep her.

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends.

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. you order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, Youwish you had ordered that.

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.




An applicant was filling out a job application.

1. When he came to the question, Have you ever been arrested? He answered, #No.# The next
question, intended for people, who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was #Why?# The applicant answered it anyway: #Never got caught.#
2. Employer to applicant: #In this job we need someone who is responsible.# Applicant: #I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.#
3. Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work? I ought to be able to. I've had ten
different jobs in four months.
4. Judge to defendant: Aren't you ashamed, coming here for the third time?
Defendant: Well, you come every day.
5. Why did the man wear a wet shirt? Because the shirt's label said: #Wash and wear..#
6. Q: Which city is trying to get rid of its mad people?
A: Madrid.
7. A teacher was testing the young student's intelligence. #When is your birthday dear?# asked
the teacher to his six-year old. #22nd February#, said the child. #What year my dear# asked
the teacher. #Every year#, said the child with a smile.
8. Sunny: My mom took me to the cemetery last Sunday.
Sonia: Oh! anyone dead?
Sunny: Yes All of them
9. Knock, Knock. Who's there?
Opportunity.
Can't be.
Why Not?
Opportunity knocks only once.
10.Q: What is the best place to go to when you are dying?
A: The living room.
11.Q: When can 60 people stand under an umbrella without getting wet?
A: When it isn't raining.
12.Raju: How many sides does a circle have?
Ravi: A circle does not have any side.
Raju: Yes, it does, the inside and the outside.
13.Q: Why are doctors and lawyers never perfect?
A: Because they are always practising.







Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same : "You can have mine."

A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. "A billionaire." she replied.

The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never et to prove it.

A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said," Dad! I've found a woman just like mother" His father replied, "So what do you want? sympathy?"

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman - and then, BAM!, it was all gone!" "What happened?" asked his friend. "My wife found out..."

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, noone pays the least bit of attention.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, But his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets. The man thinks for a moment and says, "Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.

How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get your laundry done free.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.




HEIGHT OF REPETITION: Forwarding an email to someone and receiving the same email forwarded back to you by some one in the receiving chain.

HEIGHT OF ISOLATION: Two persons sitting side by side using e-mails to communicate with each other.

HEIGHT OF COWARDICE: Two persons fighting through e-mails.

HEIGHT OF HELPLESSNESS: Receiving no e-mails for a week.

HEIGHT OF FRUSTRATION: The email server being down.

HEIGHT OF CARELESSNESS: Writing a love mail and doing a 'Send All.'

HEIGHT OF ACHIEVEMENT: A person sending email to a girl wanting to become friends and getting a reply.

HEIGHT OF TIME PASS: A person sending email to himself.

Sorry if u have achieved HEIGHT OF REPETITION just now.